The Problem with Movie Critics

It's late, I do apologize if this gets a wee ranty, but I simply MUST get this off my chest.



I have just arrived home from seeing Man of Steel.  FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC.  Just, I thought, brilliant retelling of Superman.  Not a single person was miscast, the script was excellent.  I figured I put my personal rating on Rotten Tomatoes and saw that the Critics' reviews only gave it a 61%. 

Now, that's no terrible score by any stretch of the imagination, but it's not great, either.  I figured then that I'd read a few of the reviews to see what their fucking problem was.  Seriously, how did Silver Linings Playbook (which was just okay, but J-Law carried that film all the way to falling down the stairs to accept her Oscar) practically have its salad tossed to a 92%?  Or Lincoln?  OY, LINCOLN!  I wanted to love you.  I wanted to be enthralled with you, but I was BORED OUT OF MY FUCKING MIND.  Ole Abe still got great reviews. 

I feel like "film" critics have a standard technique to writing their drivel of "reviews":  Big words, big words, run on sentence, big word.  Now I'll go home and eat my caviar, watch The Artist, and jerk it to how great I am.

To quote Richard Roeper, "There's very little humor or joy in this Superman story, and not enough character development for us really to care once the big-budget pyrotechnics are under way."  Um... Bro, it's Superman.  That's Lois Lane.  That's Clark fucking Kent.  No "development" needed.  Only the most beloved character in American culture.

I'm seriously writing this while still wearing the 3D Man of Steel glasses on my head.  It was so good. 

Here's another baffling quote, this time from Ann Hornaday of the Washington Post: "For now, audiences can only speculate as to the hidden depths of Cavill, who in Zack Snyder's busy, bombastic creation myth is reduced to little more than a joyless cipher or dazzling physical specimen."   lol wut? 

Ugh.  Movie critics are dumb, but I'd make a million dollars an hour doing it.  At least I have relatable taste in movies. 

P.S. - Henry Cavill, marry me?

P.S.S - Saw the trailer to Desolation of Smaug.  And two things: Fuck to the yes, Legolas.  He wasn't in the book though.  And it looks like a painting.