The Best Zoos in America

Three posts in one day?!  Yeah... it's late and I can't sleep.

I have a not so well kept secret.  I love zoos.  I really, really love zoos.   When I travel I must visit the zoo, even though that doesn't happen as much as I would like.  I have a coffee mug from almost every zoo I've ever been to.  Now, I don't think I'm the authority on the 'best' zoos in America.  Not at all.  That said, here are the five total that I visited in the last year:



BioPark
Albuquerque, NM

I was given the opportunity to travel by airplane for the first time ever.  Yeah, I know.  I'm a grown up, I should have flown a million times by now, right?  Well, my first flight took us from Des Moines to Dallas, and then on to ABQ.  I'll keep my review of Albuquerque itself to this: I was born in a humid climate, I do not function in the desert.  Have you ever seen Breaking Bad?  Yeah, it's like that.

The BioPark was amazing. Absolutely exceeded my expectations. The park includes a zoo, a small aquarium, and botanical gardens.  Considering we were in the middle of the American Southwest, in a nationwide drought, and just before the massive wildfires of 2012, I was absolutely shocked over how lovely and well-kept the entire Park was.  P.S. - Polar Bears. 


Henry Doorly Zoo
Omaha, NE

We love, love, love Omaha.  I'm actually planning on visiting exactly one month from today.  Great zoo, wonderful conservation programs.  I couldn't speak any more highly of this zoo. The aquarium is pretty much the shit.  I'm always a little terrified the tunnel is going to break and the shark with the janked up teeth is going to flop around near me.  You know, if I don't drown first.


Denver Zoo
Denver, CO.

Second air travel experience! For being literally right next the mountains, they really do like bears.  You'd think they would want to stock the zoo with animals that don't wander into the backyard of your hunting lodge.  Like, if Blank Park was full of stray cats and homeless people. I straight had an awkward moment with a bear who wanted to hug/eat me.  Other than the 400 bear exhibits, the zoo is great.  New Elephant Passage, sponsored by a large auto company.  My only complaint is that my coffee mug has the auto company's name on it. Huh?

I also climbed a mountain, ate endless meat at a Brazilian BBQ joint, and saw Book of Mormon for the first time.  Take that, weekend!

Kansas City Zoo
Kansas City, MO

Oh. My. Fucking. God.
It was 103 degrees.  One-fucking-hundred and fucking three.  Degrees.  And humid as fuck.  I'm pretty sure I had a heat stroke.  I took a great video of the POLAR BEAR doing awesome swim-kicks in his enormous exhibit.  And then I nearly died, because it was so hot.  I really need to go back again, just not when it's 103 fucking degrees. 

While you're in KC, get some real BBQ and visit the WWII memorial and museum. 


Blank Park Zoo.
Des Moines, IA

REPRESENT!  No, really.  This place hasn't changed much since I was a kid on a field trip.  This year promises Black Rhinos and some special kind of camel that I don't feel like Googling right now.  This is the only zoo that I don't own a coffee cup from.  It's two miles up the fucking street.  I drive by it occasionally.  Last year, they had this really lame-ass Ice Age thing with animatronics.  It was possible the worst thing I have ever seen.  And I saw Battleship in theaters.  I have high hopes for you, BPZ.  High, apple pie in the sky hopes.


Welp.  Those are the zoos!  Maybe I'll ramble about museums later.