Dear Downtown Des Moines: Let's Move in Together, Maybe

This is the second of what I'm sure will be a many part open letter to my beloved Des Moines.

I want to live downtown.  I want to be another denizen of the concrete jungle, with my little Mog sidekicks tap dancing down the sidewalks with me.  I would love to never have to shovel shitty snow again.  It would be awesome if my commute consisted of walking through the skywalk every morning.  If I could walk to the farmer's market.  Never take a cab home again after a night on Court.

I will never live downtown.  At least, not in Des Moines. 


There are far too many restricted income apartments with ridiculous pet restrictions.  There are a handful of brownstones, but none of them offer green spaces.  No wonder today's Yuppies run for the 'burbs.  You COULD raise a child without a backyard, but with house prices being so fucking awesome in the Metro area, why the fuck would you?

Most of the tiny apartments downtown don't allow dogs.  Which I find to be batshit fucking crazy.  They allow cats, who by the way piss and shit inside, but not woman's best friend?  Would they dare say that you can't have a child in your apartment?  What's the difference?  
The apartments that do allow dogs have size restrictions.  I guess that's cool, since mine are both under 25 lbs.

 But, seriously, $1200 for an apartment?  LOL.  Who'd pay that??  Obviously, a lot of cray crays.  You could buy a really great house with an actual yard and basement (come on, this is Iowa.  You'll need it at some point). 

This is what I propose:

• Take that giant, vacant land the developers are now calling "Gray's Landing" and put up some row houses.  With backyards. 
• Old Younkers building = Macy's.  or Whole Foods.  Downtown requires a grocery store.
• Walnut Street Hub should be modeled after Denver's 16th Street Mall. 
• Kaleidoscope at the Hub? Downtown Jordan Creek.  Movie theatre, Sephora, Pottery Barn. 
• Bring it on, H&M.
• DSM DESPERATELY needs to rethink that Historical Museum.  It's so boring, I hated it as a child.  Not much of it has changed since I was in the 3rd grade.   Would it kill them to bring some damned dinos?  How about some kick ass mummies?  There is a ton of awesome shit in the archives.  Break it out, yo. 
• Zoo, we need to talk.  I love that we now have rhinos.  I know it's not really a "downtown" attraction, but it's also something that really hasn't changed much.
• I know I covered this on in the previous Dear Downtown post, but FOOD CARTS. We need them.  They're a cheaper way for young culinary minds to break into the scene. Let's face it, it's not really about what you know, but who you know.  The dining scene right now is pretty much a money clique.

Alright, so that covers that.  I ranted, next I'll rave.