Things that Make You an Asshole

There are many ways a person can be an asshole. Here are just a few.

• Referring to yourself as a "gastronome" and pretending how cool you are, because you know SO much about cheese.
• Not loving puppies.
• Bring rude to customer service reps/asking for a supervisor.
• Wondering out loud in a gym "What's that fatty doing here?"
• Being an adult, but still typing like you're a fucking 6th grader.  Letters and numbers are not acceptable replacements for actual words, asshole.
• Spending $150k on a car or piece of jewelry.  If you can buy a house for the same price as something you wear on your finger, you should just die. Asshole.
• Your "dry" humor.  Being mean is not a substitution for your shitty personality.
• Being an Internet Troll.
• Leading people on.  In any manner. 
• Judging people who do/do not drink/smoke.
• Being a car sales person, hearing "I'd like to find a car for (this much)", and still continuing your sales pitch for a car I can't afford.  I will punch you.
• Taking video games too seriously.
• Dog earing library books.
• ANY use of a cell phone in a movie theater. 

Ah.  Now I feel better.

Stop being assholes.