Gwyneth Paltrow is a Cunt

I just really need to get this off my chest.  I know there are probably a million articles on the interwebs that are anti-GP, but I feel like I must come out of the Goop-hating closet.

I have never wanted to punch someone square in the face so much.  Excluding, you know, Hitler and all of these dickheads. 

Seriously, who just goes on a trip across Italy with Mario Batali, and films it for PBS?  Who writes a book called "It's All Good" that includes recipes that average $300 per day, if you follow her low-carb, gluten free, meat and dairy free diet?



Sorry, Gwynie, I likes the mac and cheese.  With bacon.  Everything with the bacon.

The most batshit thing about this actress turned lifestyle guru is that she seems to think that money isn't a matter in how you nourish your body and care for your children.  I don't have kids, but if I ever do, I know already that beer consumption will be a whole lot less.  I also know what it's like to live on a normal person's salary without kids.  I only have Mogs.  While they're cute little money siphons, you parents have my utmost respect.  Except those who have named their kids shit like Wingspan, Denim, and Banjo.

 She is mercilessly rich.  Her husband makes shitty but appeals-to-the-masses music.  Her stupidly named children will no doubt have lucrative careers in asshattery or something similar.  Fuck, her parents are Blythe motherfucking Danner and the guy who produced St. Elsewhere.  It maybe isn't within her grasp that not the rest of the white folks were born with a silver diamond encrusted spoon in our mouths, yet she spouts the stupidest shit I've heard since Jenny McCarthy's tirade against immunizations.    Also, she's besties with Jay-Z and the "modern feminist" Beyoncé.

Need proof of her lady douchebaggery?  Here is a list of her Top 10 Most Annoying Quotes, according to The Stir.

1. "I am who I am. I can't pretend to be somebody who makes $25,000 a year."
2. I'm just a normal mother with the same struggles as any other mother who's trying to do everything at once and trying to be a wife and maintain a relationship. There's absolutely nothing perfect about my life, but I just try hard."|
3. "I'd rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a tin."
4. "Every woman can make time [to work out] -- every woman -- and you can do it with your baby in the room. There have been countless times where I've worked out with my kids crawling around all over the place. You just make it work."
5. "I would rather die than let my kid eat Cup-a-Soup."
6. "Beauty fades! I just turned 29, so I probably don't have that many good years left in me."
7. "When you go to Paris and your concierge sends you to some restaurant because they get a kickback, it's like, 'No. Where should I really be? Where is the great bar with organic wine? Where do I get a bikini wax in Paris?'"
8. "We have great dinner parties at which everyone sits around talking about politics, history, art, and literature -- all this peppered with really funny jokes. But back in America, I was at a party and a girl looked at me and said, 'Oh, my God! Are those Juicy jeans that you're wearing?' and I thought, I can't stay here. I have to get back to Europe."
9. "Some days I feel like everyone in my world has plugged themselves into my kidneys. I'm so tired."
10. "I think they're the idiot people and I'm the normal person. But I don't really go to parties where ... I don't really have drunk friends. My friends are kind of adult; they have a drink. But they hold their liquor. I think it's incredibly embarrassing when people are drunk. It just looks so ridiculous. I find it very degrading. I think, ooh, you're really degrading yourself right now, to be this pissed out in public."

Seriously, Pepper Potts? Why don't you shove your unearned Oscar up your unsatisfied, tight ass.  Bitch.